Overcoming Offense

"Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the LORD's servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful." [2 Timothy 2:23-24]

Like many of us, I was shocked and upset on hearing the terrible tragedy at the Big Church Festival in West Sussex, and I made the mistake of scrolling and reading the responses and comments on social media.

Many of the comments I read from non believers expressed ridicule, contempt and mocking for the Christian faith, but I was equally saddened to read some of the responses from believers, which were derisory and angry.

What was obvious, in amongst all of this war of words was that people had lost sight that a 41 year old family man had lost his life and several people were injured. Instead of compassion, empathy and support for these families, I saw fellow humans making jokes, puns and cruel comments because this was a Christian festival, and believers hit back on the keyboard retaliating in anger and defensiveness.

Did I feel like responding and defending my faith?

Yes I did!

But instead I prayed for the families and read the Bible. The passage of scripture from Matthew 27:27-44 struck me on how Jesus was judged, mocked, taunted, spat on and beaten. What stands out in this whole ugly scene is the response from Jesus, the control and restraint He displayed. The only time Jesus even speaks during His trial and torture was when they asked Him the condemning question:

"Are you the King of the Jews? (Matthew 27:11)

And Jesus answered simply: "You have said so."

Jesus did not answer every accusation made against Him. Peter tells us, “When they hurled insults at Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats.” (1 Peter 2:23). Jesus was not silent because He did not know the truth. He was secure enough not to respond to everything being said about Him "He entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly."

So when we look at Jesus' control and restraint it teaches us that we don’t need to argue with everyone who disagrees with us. We don’t have to defend ourselves every time someone misunderstands us or correct every opinion we believe is wrong, or prove that we know more than someone else.

I have learned that knowing Jesus gives me something much better than winning arguments. He gives me peace.

There are conversations worth having, but there are also moments when love matters more than proving a point. We can know what we believe without needing everyone around us to agree with us.

The Apostle Paul gives us incredibly practical wisdom when he says:

“Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.” (2 Timothy 2:23)

Not every disagreement deserves our participation. Not every comment deserves our response. Not every person challenging us is actually looking for understanding.

Sometimes continuing the conversation will produce nothing except frustration, pride, and division. Walking away does not always mean we have lost; sometimes it means we have enough wisdom to recognise where the conversation was going.

This is especially important when we talk about Jesus. We can become so determined to defend our theology that we forget the person standing in front of us. Jesus does not need us to insult someone into believing the gospel. We can explain what we believe, we can open Scripture and answer questions. We can disagree clearly but we can do all of that while remembering that the person we are speaking with is someone Jesus loves. Truth does not become more true because we said it louder.

Paul continues:

“And the LORD’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.” (2 Timothy 2:24)

Notice that kindness and teaching are placed together. We don’t have to choose between love and truth. We can know Scripture deeply and still be gentle. We can correct something we believe is wrong without humiliating the person who believes it. We can disagree without becoming disrespectful. Being right about a biblical doctrine while treating someone terribly does not represent Jesus well.

The finished work of Jesus also gives us freedom from constantly defending ourselves. Our identity is not established by whether people think we are right. Our righteousness is not determined by comments, opinions, criticism, or accusations. Jesus has already justified us before the Father; He died for us, rose again, and is seated at the Father’s right hand. When we know where we stand with God, we don’t have to spend our lives trying to control where we stand with everybody else.

There is tremendous strength in knowing when to speak and when to remain quiet; silence is not always weakness. Sometimes silence reveals that we no longer need another person’s agreement to have peace.

On saying all that, it does not mean we should never defend someone, confront harmful behaviour, correct false teaching or have difficult conversations. There are times when love requires us to speak clearly; but even then our goal does not have to be winning, but helping. When believers focus on secondary issues above the gospel, we fail to point people to the most important news in the history of the world!

How often do we get caught up in arguments that detract from the gospel?

The Apostle Paul would challenge us to think before we speak. He would also say that loving others is often more important than being right about an issue that probably does not matter as much as we think it does. So before responding, we can ask ourselves:

"Am I trying to help this person understand, or am I trying to prove that I am right?"

Believe me, that question has saved me from conversations that would have accomplished absolutely nothing!

We are already accepted by the Father because of Jesus, we do not need an argument to validate us.

We do not need the final word to establish our worth or for everybody to understand us before we can have peace. Sometimes one of the greatest demonstrations of grace is realising we do not need to win the argument at all.

So let us speak truth when love requires it, listen when wisdom requires it, and walk away when peace requires it.

God bless